Jan 8, 2015

Truth

I am reintroducing myself.  I have been absent a while and there are many reasons behind it.  The pretty reason is that I have been busy... and I have.  The real reasons are that I have been learning how to live in hell and get through it while still remaining normal.  Is that even possible?

This sounds like it is going to be a poo poo parade or a giant pity party.  It is not- because I am not that person but it will be a big chunk of truth.  Because I am not a pity party kinda person I have sugar coated a lot of shit I have had to deal with.  I am happy go lucky but as I have mentioned I dealt with anxiety -a monster of a nightmare and have even considered taking medication for it because it can get so bad.  But I will say I do not want to live my life medicated.  Besides, it is not good for the kidneys, liver, etc.  The more the body has to filter the more chances of things going wrong -not to mention that shit is toxic.

Anyway, on with some truths.  One of them is that I have tried to keep my blog very clean but truth is I have a potty mouth.  I cuss a lot and I don't care.  Especially when I drink.  I just say whatever the f I want.  However, I keep it respectful so if I am in the company of someone who doesn't swear I will try to refrain from using profanity in every other effin word.  Which is what I was doing with my blog.  I don't want to offend people because I am a sailor girl but I have also kinda put my personality into a small little box.  I am not a small little box girl.  I am a big, huge, giant, fuckin box kinda girl.  So huge it cannot even be contained.  But I try to keep it at bay because I don't want to offend someone over some cuss words.  I am breaking free and being wild!  Yes, I have a wild side - a big one and I love it so do my friends. 

As some of you may know my job was a major culprit contributing to the anxiety.  I changed positions and what a life changer it is but I have noticed that once anxiety creeps into life that it has a way of coming back in here and there.  I have had to continue practicing natural ways of reducing and eliminating anxiety.  There have been weeks at a time I go anxiety free and I love it!!  Then I may have an issue arise that brings it back up.  I don't want to whine and cry about it so, previously, I just wrote the lightened version of it.  I don't like dragging other people down with crap and I don't really think people like that.  I know I don't.  I don't mind venting but I prefer to stay away from negativity when it is continuously spewed.  You probably have come across the type.  However, I do want to assist others in overcoming it as well.  Preferably free of medication although I know that is not always possible for everyone. 

Then there is the neck issue.  THAT is a big deal causing me grief right now- more truth.  This is another story where I don't want to take medication.  The pain gets pretty bad sometimes but it is bearable.  High pain tolerance?  Maybe.  While sometimes it drags me down because of all the things I can't do, I am still very fortunate for all the things I can do.  So that is what I will focus on.  I believe that this story will help me get others through the same thing.  Just like my story with anxiety and that is what I intend to do.  My plan is to use my unfortunate situation to guide others through it.  My goal is to give as many people peace - a life free of anxiety without being loaded up with meds.  Again, I know this isn't for everyone and some people may still require medication but if I can help just one person, then I am happy to do it!

I used to be wild.  I mean really fucking wild.  That's the truth!  Party animal.  Turned weekend warrior.  Because that is what responsible people do when they grow up!  LOL.  But that little animal (or big animal) still lives inside me.  It is a big piece of who I am and contributes to my happy go lucky nature and optimistic outlook.  Every once in a while that animal wants to get out and I might feel a little scratch, or itch to show itself.  Sometimes I feel a gnawing from inside just dying to free the creature which are the times when I really miss the party lifestyle.  The thing is that my tolerance doesn't work that way anymore and while I had a lot of fun before I don't really want to be a party animal to the extent I used to be.  Plus, my body can't take it.  It takes 3 damn days to recover from a night of drinking and I am not willing to do that on a regular basis!

I am sure you or someone you know is or was a party animal and know taming that animal can happen but I am still a wild lion at heart.

I have a move coming up and I will be doing some DIYs and may need some advice from all of you.  You may have noticed I have been quite absent.  Once the move is over I will have a bit more time to dedicate to blogging and with that I will post ways to deal with anxiety as well as topics such as the inability to work out and what to do to stay in shape in the meantime.  I might even share some of the DIYs and some of the old, exciting party stories - I have a lot and we usually laugh our asses off about them at work so why not share with you guys too!!

There is a time and a place for everything and this year I intend to be me.  Truth is I have big plans and I have a feeling that the muck and the mud is clearing up.  Any and all unfortunate circumstances aren't unfortunate at all.  They are just life and learning experiences that I can use to benefit others. 

18 comments:

  1. Yay! You're ALIVE!!! haha - just joking.

    Sorry you've been going through so much. :(

    But your mindset is good - I know you'll turn all these negatives into positives!

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    1. ha! yes, I am alive AND well :) I was already going through it, just didn't admit it and I definitely have a good mindset about it.

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  2. I refuse to change who I am for my blog in the littlest of bits. If I lose someone for saying fuck...then they probably shouldn't have been following me in the first place because that is probably the least offensive thing I say! It's just a word! ;)

    Sorry you are dealing with so much, I hope things calm down.

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    1. Totally with you on this one. I have become settled with reality and that is that there will always be at least one person who is unsatisfied. can't win 'em all

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  3. I'm excited to read/see more of the real you girl! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  4. This is your blog - be yourself on it. People who are offended can choose not to read it.

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    1. Yep, I'm with you. Swearing and all. LOL

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  5. i agree with steph ^^. i dont understand why people read blogs that offend them lol. im sorry you've been going through some rough shit, hope everything gets sorted out and fixed soon.

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    1. I have seen so many blogs where people berate the writer and I wonder why the hell they chose to come and read it over and over again. Weird

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  6. Glad you're back, I've been thinking of you. Sorry for the stress and the pain in the neck, literally. Hope 2015 is a fantastic one for you.

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    1. Thanks for thinking of me. I missed you guys!

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  7. Hope you feel better soon! That sucks! Best of luck with your move.

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    1. It just keeps getting better every day but I am nervous that the move will aggravate the injury.

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  8. I definitely cuss like a sailor, but I figure the people I want reading my blog probably do too. Hah. I hope you feel better soon!

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  9. Glad to see you back. Hope things get a little easier and less stressful for you. Looking forward to seeing what you have in store.

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